“There is no reason to suffer. The only reason you suffer is because you decide to do it. If you look at your life, you will find many excuses for suffering, but no valid reason. The same is applicable to happiness. Happiness is a choice, as well as suffering ”. (Miguel Ruiz)
Domestication and the planet's dream.
Are things how we see them, how we feel them or basically interpret what they taught us to interpret?
For the ancient Toltec culture (Mexico), the “reality” that we assume socially is nothing more than a collective dream, the dream of the planet. the moment of birth, we interpret reality through agreements and, thus, we agree with the adult world what is a table and what is a dress, but also what is "right" and what is "wrong". even who we are or what our place is in the world (in the family, in the classroom, at work). For this process, the Mexican philosopher of Toltec origin Miguel Ruiz calls this domestication.
“Domestication is so powerful that, at a certain point in our lives, we no longer need anyone to dominate us. We don't need a mother or father, school or church to domesticate us. We are so well trained that we are our own tamers. We are a self-tamed animal ”.
The judge and the victim.
In the course of this learning, we incorporate the judge and the victim into our own personality.
The judge represents that tendency in our mind that continually reminds us of the book of the law that governs our lives - what is right and what is wrong - rewards us and, more often, punishes us. The victim is that part of each person who suffers the demands of their own inner judge. We suffer, we regret, we blame ourselves, we punish ourselves for the same reason over and over again, every time memory takes its toll.
And as a consequence of the system itself, fear is established in our lives.
Fear and self-demand are the worst enemies of our thinking and, therefore, of our life. During the domestication process, we form a mental image of perfection, which is not bad as a marked path to follow. “The problem is that, as we are not perfect, we reject ourselves. And the degree of rejection depends on how effective adults were in breaking our integrity, "according to MR.
If the book of the law that governs our lives (our morals, our logic, our “common sense”) does not fulfill its objectives, which by its foundation would make us human beings happy and in harmony, it is because, obviously, it does not work. And since it doesn't work, you need to change it. And we do this by reviewing our contracts (our unquestionable interpretation, our value system), unmasking those that are not valid and replacing them with others.
Toltec philosophy proposes four basic agreements:
1. Be impeccable with words
The word has strength and power; the word creates both good and evil. It is up to us to use it for good.
With it we comfort, we animate, we save, we love those around us, but we also annihilate confidence and self-esteem, we condemn, insult and run over people. And with ourselves we are no different: what we say is creating us every day. When we complain, we become victims; criticizing, we become judges. This is how Miguel Ruiz explains this first agreement:
“Use the words properly. Use them to share love. Use white magic starting with you. Be flawless with the word “.
2. Don't take anything personally
It is very common that, due to the actions of other people, we are in a bad mood; This is partly because we depend a lot on the opinions of others and rarely stop to think that perhaps the other person is projecting their problems and insecurities onto us.
So, it is worthwhile that when someone makes us feel bad, we stop for a moment to think the saying: “what João says about Pedro says more about João than about Pedro”.
3. “Don't make assumptions”
Answer this question: Are the times when you have imagined or fantasized that the things others say have to do with you, are they negative or positive? If you answered that they are positive, bravo, you are one of the few people who think so; but if you answered that they are negative, don't be afraid, there is an explanation.
There is a theory that the human being tends to give more importance and credibility to bad news due to the survival instinct. Now, if we assume that others have a negative idea of us, how much harm can we do to someone else? How much negativity will go through our heads while we are thinking about such a thing? Gossip is something that damages our social relationships and can be avoided in a relatively simple way: asking questions and solving doubts.
4. “Always do your best”
This idea is summarized as follows: the day when you give the maximum effort, in the best possible way and, as you believe, is when you will accept the consequences of your actions in the best way.
It is important to note that it is good to seek a balance in what we do. We give what we can give, we do what we can do, but without committing to offer more than we can give, as this will only serve to produce stress and frustration. This Toltec principle deals with the importance of accepting and knowing our limits, because knowing them will also make it easier for us to know if we are doing less or more than we could be doing.
We must remember that these are 4 principles or "agreements" inspired by an ancient civilization whose living conditions are very different ours.
Therefore, it is our task to know how to interpret them well, if we are to use them. However, despite the practice and effort required to know how to apply them, it is easy to find in them a profound lesson on social relations and how to find a balance between yourself and the social environment.